Well done. Now I won’t have to curse you.
Here are a list of superstitions. Some you’ll believe and some you won’t. And some are just complete crap.
1. If you see a black cat, you must automatically do a little dance (but not make a little love OR get down tonight) which consists of walking in reverse, twirling around three times and then crossing the road to avoid bad luck.
2. If you walk under a ladder, you’re going to get bad luck. And no, walking back under it is not going to make the bad luck disappear. You may just have doubled it.
Not quite sure how that works but the rules and regulations are out of my hand.
3. If you wash your hair on Tuesday or Thursday, you are giving your brother bad luck.
So that means you’ll have to smell and look like a dirty cow for an extra day. All because of HIM. If you have a brother of course. I’m not sure if you’re ‘brother from another mother’ counts. Then again…
4. If you pretend you know the future and in turn may jinx something or someone, you have to touch wood before you get bad luck. Or if you are in a room surrounded by metal and cannot see any wood, you must touch your forehead to avoid any bad luck.
5. Shoes upturned and piled on top of one another are bad luck.
Sorry girls. You better start cleaning out that cupboard.
6. If you break a mirror, that’s 7 YEARS bad luck.
At least that superstition has the decency to give you a time limit.
7. For a woman, if your right eye twitches it’s bad luck. The opposite for men.
And I bet you thought someone was winking at you. I foresee a rise in subscriptions for eharmony.com.
8. If you see an Ambulance, I’m sorry but then you’re really fucked. UNLESS, you happen to see a black or brown dog whilst holding your breath or pinching your nose.
The person who made up this rule clearly didn’t think about all those drivers who panic every time they hear the Ambulance siren. And clearly, you lived on a farm. A very smelly one. Alone.
9. If you see three drains, DO NOT walk over them otherwise you’ll get bad luck.
I just see this one as an excuse to make your everyday monotonous walk a little more fun.
10. If you’re alone in a bathroom, surrounded by darkness with the door locked and you turn to the mirror and repeat the words ‘Candy man’ three times, not only will you get bad luck but YOU WILL DIE.
And what if you’re innocently singing ‘Candy man’ by Christina Aguilera in the bathroom, when there’s a power cut? Does that make Christina Aguilera RESPONSIBLE for your death?
Now, I’m gonna go wild and suggest that many of you have believed in either one or two, or maybe even all, of these superstitions at least once in your pitiful lifetime.
So have I.
In fact, I believed that black cats were so evil, that I needed to warm up to Salem in Sabrina the Teenage Witch.
With so much bad luck floating around, I’m surprised the world isn’t full of Agoraphobics.
Years ago, my sister and I were driving back home one night, when a black cat crossed our path. Being the normal and sane people that we are, we both yelled out the word “Shit!”, contemplated parking our car somewhere to do our little dance and then drive back home.
But we did neither of those things.
Ok that’s a lie.
We drove home. We did the dance. Just not with our legs.
INSTEAD, my sister reversed the car (it was a quiet area) reached a roundabout, circled it three times and drove a different way home.
Yes. That actually happened.
Now that I’m all growned up, I like to believe that I don’t believe in any of the above. But sadly, that’s not the case. Some of these superstitions have been drilled into my mind from day one and they are pretty hard to shake off.
If only we had these hunks to help us shake it all off. Wink wink nudge nudge.
Why is it so easy to get ‘bad luck’ and yet so difficult to find that god-damn four leaf clover?
Well I say, bad luck schmad luck.
Wash your hair on Tuesdays and Thursdays, go crazy and run under a ladder, pile your shoes on top of each other if that’s the only way it will fit into your cupboard.
I’m too much of a chicken shit to actually try out the ‘candy man’ theory, but if you’re game, go for it. But don’t forget to let me know how that goes down. If you’re still alive of course.
Food for thought: Maybe that’s the key to fighting the rise in Obesity?